Wednesday, December 26, 2007 @ 2:42 PM

happiness.

theres only that much happiness one can have. no one, i mean literally not even the one who has got everything he needs would have all the happiness in the world. it seems like a true luxury, really to have all the happiness for one's self.

an individual who might have the wealth in the world might be facing political problems, family issues. social issues haunting and creeping him out.

an individual who was presented the health by god might be facing debts. credit card debts , no company, no job. nothing.

an individual who might have a great support of family might be very poor, so poor that they cant feed themselves a proper meal. unlike us.

so which are you?

an individual who has everything but trust?

an individual who has everything but money?

an individual who has everything but time?

its really complicated, too much for an eighteen year old to handle. all this complications. all this facade. all this betrayals. and to think i havent even step into the real world.

and to you, im glad you know something is haunting me. something is creeping me out. something is just in me that is not really me. all this pretending. im tired. im tired of playing the games u have. im tired of figuring out.

its affecting everyone. not just the two of us. look around. we dampened their moods. where's our maturity at this point when we need it so much? everything seems so frail.

& no. silly. i walked away because i saw all the happiness u needed. everything that you need fell into the right places. nothing went wrong. u didnt miss anything out. i didnt really think u needed me.

lonely. hurt. abandoned. thats why i left.

i left with my heads up high thinking i could survive this one. just like the others. it went pretty well as u were able to let go. with your ego, it was better. it made me hate u more. ur facade, made me thought i was on the right path.

you were doing fantastic but me? to keep pretending was all i did.

i pretend everything was okay.
i pretend that i won the battle
i pretend that i could be independent
i pretend that all this tears, arent real
i pretend that the shield i have, might protect me.
i pretend that u were nothing.
i pretend.

but thats it. i couldnt lie to myself no more. you. you're the only one really knew me. you were my almost everything. you were that part of me who knew whats best for me. you are important. but yeah. u walked away. u moved on. all those footprints i had made, u washed it away. as much as u didnt want to. u did. with hatred and ego.

and to you i say thank you. i finally now know who i really am.

i am that individual who might have everything but you.

happy belated birthday.